58. You were made to be a mother - Inspiration and encouragement for new moms & first time moms struggling with postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety
If you’ve ever had a bad day in motherhood, if you’ve ever wondered if you’re meant to be a mom, if you’ve ever felt like you’re a bad mom, I want you to listen to this.
You’re not alone. You’re not a bad mom. In fact, you were MADE for this.
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
Hey there friends. Welcome to the better postpartum podcast. I’m your host Angel Swan, crunchy mom, coffee addict and postpartum doula turned new mom, coach. This podcast is your audio guide to not just surviving but thriving during those early and newborn days. If you want to care for yourself, your household and your baby with confidence, grab your earbuds because this is the only podcast that you need. So what do you say? Should we get started with today’s episode? Let’s do this. Hey, friends, thank you so much for tuning in today. Before we get started, I just want to read this really, really sweet review submitted by Sarah hub. She says really awesome podcast, especially for new moms. Hey, thanks, Sarah. Thanks for that review. And listen, you guys, if you’re loving this podcast, and you’re learning from it, please go over to Apple podcasts, rate reviews, subscribe, leave me five stars with just a little love note something short and sweet. We’ll do that’s fine. I appreciate all of it. Because you know those little love notes that you leave, they make me smile, they just really make my day every time I see a new one up there. And it also helps other moms find this podcast so that they can learn from it too. So thanks again, Sara. Now let’s get into today’s episode. Okay, so today’s a little bit different, because I’m not really going to give you any like actionable tips per se, but more so going to give you some encouragement for those days when you wonder like what the heck you got yourself into when you became a mom. So recently, I saw a post in a Facebook group and this mom was just feeling so discouraged. And I’m not going to use her name, because I do want to respect her privacy. But she was talking about how Sunday’s are so so great. Like the baby sleeps well, they eat while they play by themselves. And then on those days, you know, she’s feeling really confident, like those days make her feel like she’s finally getting the hang of things like she’s got it all figured out. And it’s just such a great little like mood booster for her. But then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, her baby throws a curveball and they stopped sleeping well, the baby becomes fussy at the breast, they won’t sleep unless they’re laying on mom. And when the baby does actually sleep, they’re restless, and they wake up fussy. And this mom says that those days are so hard and they make her feel like she’s just lost the joy of motherhood. It’s really it’s like a punch to the gut. You know, one day you’re really in a groove with your baby. And the next day, it seems like you just can’t do anything, right. So I just want you to know if you feel this way, you’re definitely not alone. I remember feeling this way a lot. I had a really, really awful postpartum depression and anxiety. I had such bad thoughts. And I totally put myself down for thinking those thoughts at all. Instead of just choosing to think differently. And my life was just spiraling, spiraling out of control until I decided to change. So I got help. I went to therapy. I took supplements. I started actually like taking care of myself, instead of putting my needs on the backburner. And then over time, I came out of that darkness. So yes, I definitely had some days where I wondered, What on earth was I thinking? Why did I ever choose to get pregnant on purpose? It wasn’t even a mistake. I chose to get pregnant. We tried for a baby. And I found myself thinking like, what did I get myself into? I’m not cut out for this. But I also had so many days where I felt on top of the world. I was so so happy to be a mom, I still am so happy to be a mom every day. And through it all I feel like my daughter Genevieve is my driving force like she is my main motivation to be my best self. When she was a baby, I was just kind of in survival mode. But I knew that I had to keep myself moving. I had to keep going so that she could live a good life. Like even if I didn’t feel like it. I had to at least do something to keep things moving. Because I want her to have everything and I can’t make that happen for her if I’m not taking care of myself. And now that she’s a toddler I feel like she’s even more of a motivator than before. She literally holds me accountable for things that need to get done like especially when it comes to keeping the house in working order. She’s so cute.
She begs me every day she wants to vacuum she wants to do laundry with me. She knows how to like push the buttons on The washing machine to make it go. Like I literally had her teach my husband how to work our new washing machine. She asked me to do dishes with her, she wants me to help me put them away and put them in the dishwasher. So now that she’s older, like she’s literally reminding me to take care of the things that we have. And I don’t know about you, but I really need to get those basic chores done in order for me to feel accomplished. And have a clear mind, because when my house is messy or dirty, it just makes me feel awful and really unfocused. And I just, it just puts me in a bad mood. So all of this to say like, if you’re feeling down, if you’re having those bad thoughts, like, it gets better. But the only way that it gets better is when you really try hard to make it better, you have to make that decision. Do we still have bad days, of course, of course we do. You know, Jenny has sensory processing issues. And when she gets overstimulated, she has the most gigantic meltdowns that I’ve ever seen. And they last for over an hour, and there’s literally nothing that we can do. But to wait it out. I just have to let her go on her little rage, or a little rampage. And, and wait. And those days are probably the most difficult days for me. But I want you to know that those bad days, they’re just bad days. Okay, having a bad day doesn’t make it a bad life. And the only person who can say if your life is good or bad is you. So I think if you think that your life is bad, then it’s going to feel bad. Because your thoughts, control your feelings and your feelings, then control your actions. So if you’re thinking, I suck at this, I’m such a bad mom, then you’re gonna feel like crap. Those bad feelings will impact your life in such a negative way. And it all starts with your thoughts. Because you’ll start taking action on those feelings, which in the case of postpartum depression or anxiety, that usually means you’re not taking much action at all. Because if you’re, you know, if you’re so bad at this or that then like, what’s the point of even trying, right? What’s the point of trying to get up and take a shower, you know, the baby’s just gonna cry, and make you stop your shower early anyways, so why bother. But when you think like that, the next thing you know, it’s five days later, you have not showered, and you can actually smell your own stench. And that just makes you feel gross. And you get more depressed. Okay, here’s another one. What’s the point of trying to sleep when the baby sleeps, the baby’s just gonna cry and wake you up the second you fall asleep, so why bother? Next thing, you know, you haven’t slept in days, and you’re exhausted, and you break down crying over the tiniest silliest, little things. Because your brain just cannot even handle everyday situations anymore. Everything feels too hard. So you continue to just sit there and do nothing. And then you feel bad for doing nothing, right? It’s a it’s an awful vicious cycle. But you can’t seem to make yourself do anything else. But sit. And it just never ends until you decide to make a choice to be better to get better. This is what I’m talking about, you know, your negative thoughts will make you feel bad. And feeling bad causes you to make decisions that usually are not the best for you. In fact, those decisions tend to make you feel worse later on. It’s just a compound effect. So if you’re constantly focusing on the bad days, on the bad moments, if you’re constantly focusing on the negative, your life will be sad. And I just want to let you know that the if you are if this is happening to you like you’re not broken, okay, this is a normal thing that happens to all of us. Our brains are hard wired to protect us from danger. And your brain does this thing called confirmation bias. And confirmation bias is the tendency to search for interpret favor and recall information in a way that confirms or supports one’s prior beliefs or values. That’s from Wikipedia, by the way, okay? So if your belief is that you’re a bad mom, that you cannot do this, you are not equipped, then your brain is going to pick out those little scenarios to confirm that belief that you are in fact a bad mom. Your brain is literally going to go looking for examples of the times when you failed. And it’s going to remind you of those things. That’s confirmation bias. Okay, but the thing is,
you’re not a bad mom. Okay? That is not the case at all. It’s just your brain doing that wonky thing that is not always helpful. So and you know, confirmation bias can go both ways. It can be towards the negative or it can be positive. So what if instead of focusing on the negative Parts of motherhood, you made a conscious decision and made a conscious effort to focus on the good to focus on the good days to notice a sweet moment when it happens and just sit there and savor it for a minute, and store that away in your memory bank, you have to make the choice to believe in yourself, believe that you’re a good mom, that you’re the perfect mom for your baby. And that you are made for this. Because when you make that choice to believe in yourself, your confirmation bias will kick in, and it will affirm that belief. And over time, you’ll feel like you have more good days than bad because you’re choosing to focus on the good things, and you’re releasing those memories of the bad days. And it is my firm belief that you were made to be a mom. And I believe that your baby is here to help you be the best version of yourself. And Lady, I just hope, I just hope that you would believe in yourself as much as I believe in you. Because I believe in you, I believe in you so hard you don’t even know. And I know that you’re an amazing mother, even on the bad days. And if you need someone to cheer you on, to be on your side to help you work through the bad days so that you can see more of the good to help you create self care routines that will help you have more sound mind. So you can have a better outlook on your life. I want you I want to invite you to come and work with me. I specialize in three things, getting your baby on a consistent routine so they sleep better and have more independent playtime, organizing your daily tasks, so you can stop staying up late to finish projects you didn’t get done earlier in the day, and creating a self care routine to manage your postpartum depression or anxiety. So you can feel like yourself again. Those are my three specialties. Okay. So if you want help with one of those three things, you can work with me in two ways. The first option is to join my group coaching program, it’s called back to you. And in that group coaching program, we work on all three of those things together. So you’ll go through the self paced course. And as you’re working through that course content, you will have worksheets to guide you through the process, you can take everything step by step, it is laid out in such a way that you will, you will be able to do it. If you do the work. You can do all these things if you do the work. You’ll have access to me through weekly q&a calls where you can get direct feedback and support from me. And you’ll have access to me through our members only Facebook community where you can post questions anytime and get support. Now the second way that you can work with me is through one on one coaching. So we’ll choose just one of those things, and focus on that for six weeks together. So if you’re ready to get your baby on a consistent routine, organize your daily tasks, or create a self care routine to manage your postpartum depression or anxiety so you can feel like yourself again, come and work with me. Okay? To get started, you just go to my website, Angel swan.com/work with me, and you can choose the coaching option that works best for you. Or you can always just check the episode description. There’s always always a link there to be able to work with me to get in touch with me. All of the good things are in the episode description. So check there. So friends, that’s it for today. As always, don’t forget, you can come and hang out with me on Instagram. At Angel dot swan. You can grab my free postpartum planner on my website, Angel Swan calm. And of course, don’t forget to go on Apple podcasts and rate review and subscribe. Thank you so much for listening. I believe in you. Okay, I really do. And I’ll talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.
Thank you so much for listening to the better postpartum podcast. Here’s what I want you to do next. If you loved what you heard today, would you do me a giant favor and leave me a written five star review? Those little love notes that you leave are the perfect way to thank me for putting out these episodes just for you. Seriously, it would mean the world to me. Next, take a screenshot of the episode you’re listening to right now and share it on your Instagram stories and make sure you tag me at Angel dot Swan that’s SW o n so that more moms can find this podcast and hopefully get the advice and encouragement they need to truly thrive with their babies. And don’t forget to come back every single We’ll wait for more nuggets of wisdom and truth bombs about the early motherhood journey. I’ll talk to you next time. Bye bye